beeeeep!

The Truth About Reindeers

So Phoe was talking about how much she hates "Ker-rissmass music" (as it would be pronounced by a cheesy radio DJ) and it reminded me of a litle known fact about reindeers. Well, I say "little known" but actually it's very well known, it's just that the millions of people who sing about it every year are not paying attention.

The Evidence: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
You'll go down in history!

What is this terrible fact suppressed for decades by the shadowy Reindeer Publicity Agency?

Reindeers are not big, lovely arctic deers that Santa chose for their innate niceness. Reindeers are shallow bastards.

Look at the song! Rudolph, singled out for ridicule because of his nasal problems, is an outcast from reindeer society, the victim of cruel jokes and jibes. Then, Santa shows up and says Hey, I like your glowing snout; come, lead my sleigh through the fog! and suddenly it's Oooh, Rudolph, you're so great! and Hey, Rudolph, can I be your friend? and Mmmmm, Rudolph, you can pull my sleigh anytime!

So let this be a warning to you.

Reindeers: don't trust 'em.

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit." - Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)

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