beeeeep!What Goes Around Gets Mercilessly RecycledYes, I've been at this craziness for a whole year. Big thanks to the one who inspired me to start it; you know who you are. And a 'hi!' to all those who bother to waste their time reading this thing. However long you've been coming here, it makes it feel like I'm not just yelling out into the blackness. I get a few echoes back, and that's always good.
{I may redesign the template a little, move the archives down to the bottom of the right column. That way the other things that get looked at more often will take greater prominence. Like
stuff, for example. I may try three columns instead of two. We'll see.}
To go right back to that
very first post, I don't talk to people as much as I should. I don't just mean regular conversation, I mean
talking, important things. Not all the supposed 'text' that passes across my forehead is on the outside, the stuff you read. As you'd expect, a lot of it remains on the inside, things I wish I could say to people but don't. Sometimes I'm scared to; I fear their reaction and the consequences. Sometimes I'm just not sure enough of what I want to say and if I really mean it.
To, again, kind of go back to
that post, everyone can't be completely sure of themselves all the time, can they? I know that things I am certain of at one point in time can sometimes seem shaky the next. I breed my own uncertainties (in a little shack in my sock drawer, in case you are interested) and pick others up from elsewhere. Sometimes I
know, and sometimes I'm just not sure. Is that normal? I don't know that, either.
Much like, again,
my first post, I talk over these things with myself, as it were. Usually it's with a sort of mental version of someone else. Probably sounds insane. But it's more of a rehearsal, what I would, or rather
might, say if the opportunity to say it to the actual person presented itself. It's not always to the person I probably should be saying it to, but that doesn't matter. It's just an internalisation of my thought processes, or some such gobbledegook.
I wish I had the confidence to say some, if not all, of these things out loud.
"Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out of body experience." - Bill Watterson (1958 - ), Calvin & Hobbes
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