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Christmas Eve Haikus Aplenty

I'm at work right now.
I will be till I get bored.
Lunchtime sounds just right.


Hope for a quiet
Christmas this year. It should be,
With lots of sleeping.


Had to stop myself
Buying things in last two weeks
To allow for gifts.


To my blog readers:
A Merry Christmas and a
Happy New Year, y'all!

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Plenty Of S....E....X But No Hits

My big s....e....x web search plan came to naught. I must be much too far down the list of sites found on web searches for anyone to come to my site. I think I'll leave that post unaltered, though, just to see what happens.

"Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven." - Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

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Talk Of The Village

So, apparently, I was recently a topic of conversation in our local pub, which is about two hundred yards away from our house. See, I have to park in the pub car park because there's no space anywhere else. But this is not the reason I was brought up. No, it's because I don't wave and smile and say hello to every stranger I see on the way to and from my car.

So I'm expected to make greetings to everyone despite how many heavy bags I might be carrying, how in a rush I am, and how generally irritated by other things I am, am I? Otherwise they may think I'm being standoffish or something.

Well, I'm usually either busy, or I'm annoyed, so I don't care. Bloody yokels.

"This is a local shop. For local people." - League Of Gentlemen

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Friday Haiku

Half-Life 2 at last!
Hope it works okay and that
It is eeeexcellent!


Gym going okay.
Had weights induction this week.
Made arms shake and hurt.

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Sex You Up

Marnie suggested the other day I write about sex to increase the post count even more. So I'm wondering what effect the following paragraph will have, just as a little experiment...

SEX SEX NAKED BLONDE SEX SEX NAUGHTY NURSE SEX SEX WHIPS AND CHAINS SEX SEX CELEBRITY VIDEO SEX SEX BIZARRE SEX SEX

I'll leave it on for a week and then delete the text next Thursday. In the meantime, how many more hits will I get?

Stay tuned to find out!


And, just to finish up... I like sex. I lean towards womenfolk. Thanks for listening.

"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." - Jimmy Demaret

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Memory Error

I was going to post something earlier... but almost immediately I forgot what it was.

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today." - Rotarian

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Hit Me

Seems my recent list of signature songs and the reindeer thing is getting me more hits on search engines. I doubt they're staying very long, though. But hey, it's all pluses to the read count.

"Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare." - Harriet Martineau (1802 - 1876)

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Twelve Days

Not long till Christmas. First one in the new house.

Where has the year gone? I know that a lot of people out there are saying the exact same thing. But it's really been a blink-and-you-miss-it year, this one. It's lingered long enough to cause problems for some, though. Not counting that whole 'world' situation I don't really comment on much. There's always things happening there, apparently.

We have a new cat, by the way. Except she's an old cat, as in she belongs to the people who used to live in the house. Exciting stuff.

Uh oh. I'm one step away from all those people who have personal websites that they use entirely for pictures and stories about their cats. Strange lot they are.

"Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function." - Unknown

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Friday Haiku

Brother and girlfriend
Visit this weekend. Long time
Since seen him. Her, never.


My Half-Life 2 should
Be on it's way. Don't know when
It will arrive though.


Work over New Year?
Yeah, get fucking real, there's no
Hope in Hell, not ever.

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The Truth About Reindeers

So Phoe was talking about how much she hates "Ker-rissmass music" (as it would be pronounced by a cheesy radio DJ) and it reminded me of a litle known fact about reindeers. Well, I say "little known" but actually it's very well known, it's just that the millions of people who sing about it every year are not paying attention.

The Evidence: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

Then all the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer,
You'll go down in history!

What is this terrible fact suppressed for decades by the shadowy Reindeer Publicity Agency?

Reindeers are not big, lovely arctic deers that Santa chose for their innate niceness. Reindeers are shallow bastards.

Look at the song! Rudolph, singled out for ridicule because of his nasal problems, is an outcast from reindeer society, the victim of cruel jokes and jibes. Then, Santa shows up and says Hey, I like your glowing snout; come, lead my sleigh through the fog! and suddenly it's Oooh, Rudolph, you're so great! and Hey, Rudolph, can I be your friend? and Mmmmm, Rudolph, you can pull my sleigh anytime!

So let this be a warning to you.

Reindeers: don't trust 'em.

"Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit." - Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930)

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The Saga Of The Router

So... my router (a D-Link DSL-504T) started making this high-pitched whistle noise whenever it was on and connected to the ADSL. Not loud enough to be heard over the computer, but loud enough to be very annoying when everything else is off, like when I'm going to bed. It's in my bedroom, you see.

So I called up their tech support and arranged to have it sent off. I sent it on a Monday by Special Delivery (i.e. guaranteed next day). They got it the next day... and sent it right back that same evening, complete with a note that said something like "we have completed our analysis and fixed the problem".

It still made the same noise. Bollocks had they fixed it.

I rang TS again and the guy could not understand why they had not replaced it. The problem was a condensor, he said; it dries up and makes the noise, the only thing to do is replace the whole router. He gave me a number to call for the warranty people.

I don't know exactly who I got on to, but it didn't seem to be the warranty people. Eventually they seemed to get what I was talking about and set up another case number thing for me, telling me to send it on to the same people again and they would send me a replacement.

They sent back the same router. It still made the noise. It even had the same "completed our analysis and fixed the problem" note attached.

I was pissed off.

So now it's in the care of the person who made the order from Dabs.Com in the first place, since it would take his order details and credit card to arrange for a refund. If they won't do that, based on their shoddy support and stupidly useless returns department, then I'll happily smash the thing with a hammer, buy a new one made by some other company, and never buy anything from D-Link ever again.

Useless fuckers.

"Complain to one who can help you." - Yugoslav Proverb

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Friday Haiku

Gym, blah, work, blah. Blah.
Blah, worry, blah. Router, blah.
Not much else to say.

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Have You Got The Herb?


What herb are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

"If you don't know where you are going, you can never get lost." - Herb Cohen (only decent 'herb' quote I could find...)

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